tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59608927119085273702024-03-13T00:47:45.581-07:00Penelope's Grey SpacePenelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-17000038517594301992016-06-07T09:52:00.001-07:002016-06-07T09:53:14.590-07:00Grounded<div class="MsoNormal">
A blog! It’s been
ages since I’ve written a blog…or anything, for that matter. Life has been
full, sporadic, busy, chaotic and devoid of calm spaces in which a mind can
settle and think. Since my wedding in
May of 2015 we have moved twice, finalized legal residency for my wife and,
after many months and hundreds of applications, she has started her career in
United States academia. The huge task of
emptying a storage unit not seen since I sold my home and went to wander the
UK, along with unpacking the worldly (literally) possessions of my wife, who
has lived in five countries in ten years, has been completed. The merging of lives has been physically
manifested in our first home, together and alone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FQUQqrQnlCU/V1b64v2McoI/AAAAAAAAALE/ev3qfdl0HjIFMU-JiPTQbnpVq9R3QevBACLcB/s1600/Harbour-Pointe-7th-tee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FQUQqrQnlCU/V1b64v2McoI/AAAAAAAAALE/ev3qfdl0HjIFMU-JiPTQbnpVq9R3QevBACLcB/s320/Harbour-Pointe-7th-tee.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
We didn’t intentionally pick this town or complex to live
in. It was what came available in our
price range that felt safe and home like.
When we first signed the six month lease we weren’t sure if we’d be
staying beyond that time. This weekend we decided to settle in and commit
ourselves to this little one-bedroom condo.
The commute doesn’t bother my wife and we enjoy the quiet serenity of
living on a golf course in Washington State. (No, I don't play or even understand golf...) Eight and a half months out of the year it’s like living in a park that
rarely has visitors-except frogs, herons, birds, geese and rabbits. The other three and a half months, when the
windows are thrown open, to our rare and glorious sunshine, we hear the
funniest bits of conversation and exclamations as people work their way to the
next hole.<o:p></o:p></div>
A strange thing has happened in the days since our
discussion about staying put. My whole
being has settled. I don’t think I
realized I was on high alert for one more move, one more change, until I wasn’t
anymore. Three years ago I un-tethered my
life from everything known and familiar to be available for every experience
life could throw my way (be careful of what you wish for...). When you live
un-tethered, up for anything, it’s a heightened sense of readiness to “go”. Last week, I found the end of one of my lines
was loosely wrapped around the place in which I’m standing. Only time will tell
if I will ever be as rooted as I once was.
Secretly, I hope not. My deepest
hope is that I can find a balance between the two spaces so that I never become
lost in the roots again. For now, I’m appreciating that right now, today, I am
grounded. <br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-31766819366982573762015-08-24T10:38:00.003-07:002015-08-24T10:38:43.518-07:00How's Married Life?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->The last three months have been, let us say, busy. I had a small wedding, welcomed a new great
niece, traveled back and forth between Arizona and California in separate trips
and coordinated a fundraising event for 150 people on Whidbey…which is 160
miles from where I currently reside...all while rebuilding my professional practice. So, please, forgive my absence.
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve spent a lot of time here on this blog and on social
media sharing my world as a woman who was thrust into single life on the cusp
of middle age. Without a doubt, the last three years have been far and away the
most eventful since my wild teenage life, that’s for sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And fortunately for me, life doesn’t look to be
settling down any time soon. I am happily embracing the unknown that each day brings
me.</div>
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“How is married life?” is the number one question I get from
people and I answer, “It’s great.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
mean, what’s not to love?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wake up
every day with a woman who looks at me me and smiles at my mere presence in the
world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t have carry all the
groceries up the stairs by myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Dinner sometimes gets made for me, instead of by me and I haven’t done
laundry in months. (I’m spoiled, what can I say?) After dating on two different
continents,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the mundane, day to day
moments with my wife are special and I try not to ever take them for
granted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking things for granted won’t
sustain a relationship, it will kill it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m no fool.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned a few things
the first time around.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I knew going into this that my biggest challenge would be to
maintain my new found sense of self inside of a relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a giver, a pleaser, a “make it better”
kind of girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took a year of single
life just to figure out what I really preferred, all for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So when my wife and I began sharing space, it
was a dance of sorts, and the steps were primarily mine to learn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I discovered it’s perfectly alright to
disagree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s perfectly alright to ask
for help or time or space.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's okay for my wife to do that same and here’s
the big one…it’s okay to do things alone or separately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I go out with friends without my wife.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We aren’t always “a unit”. She’s still my
favorite person to spend time with, but I am experiencing autonomy within my
marriage and that’s liberating and ultimately, I think healthier for us as a
couple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The best thing about falling in love with a strong,
independent person is that she came to the table not needing me, but wanting
me. My wife said once, “I don’t want to be someone’s other half because that
means they weren’t whole to begin with.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We are two self sufficient people who, when together, are that much
better together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took more than half
my life to grasp that concept, but wow, am I glad I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, yeah, married life is great, and if I can keep my head in the game, getting better every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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</xml><![endif]-->Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-55604597718592504362015-06-03T21:33:00.002-07:002015-06-03T21:33:15.205-07:00Never Again<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FfuBUNGdjkk/VW_S09AR5FI/AAAAAAAAAKc/rkSQctJ5CxY/s1600/DSC_0242.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-FfuBUNGdjkk/VW_S09AR5FI/AAAAAAAAAKc/rkSQctJ5CxY/s320/DSC_0242.JPG" width="197" /></a>I’m married. While
some have said “again”, I have to say this feels different. Yes, I had a twenty-two year relationship and
somewhere along the way we began saying wife instead of partner. Because it felt like the logical thing to do, eventually we filled out a form, mailed it in to the state and got back cards that announced
our civil partnership. When we ended our
relationship we had to file paperwork, pay a fee and stand in front of judge to
dissolve it. So technically, “again” is
probably appropriate. But I have felt
nothing but newness and experienced all kinds of firsts that make “again” feel
like a technicality.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-align: center;">I was never engaged before now, with a proposal and a ring. </span><span style="text-align: center;">I never picked out flowers, a dress or got my
hair done for ceremony…or even had a ceremony.</span><span style="text-align: center;">
</span><span style="text-align: center;">Loved ones never toasted my union or wished us many years of happiness. </span><span style="text-align: center;">I never stood in front of my most cherished
friends, looked someone in the eye and vowed to love, honor and cherish
them.</span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span><span style="text-align: center;">Not once before this week did a county
clerk certify a license, hand me the “pretty, frame-able” copy and say, “Congratulations,
you’re a Mrs. And Mrs.!”</span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span><span style="text-align: center;">When I say wife
now, it really means wife.</span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span><span style="text-align: center;">It’s no
longer a political statement to remind people I’m gay and have a significant
other.</span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span><span style="text-align: center;">It’s a legally and socially
recognized term.</span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span></div>
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<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NndLDCYXQ4M/VW_SzKUohAI/AAAAAAAAAKY/4SDCoLvn6iw/s1600/IMG_2453.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="304" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-NndLDCYXQ4M/VW_SzKUohAI/AAAAAAAAAKY/4SDCoLvn6iw/s320/IMG_2453.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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One of my dear friends said to me at the wedding, “you’ll
feel different, watch and see”. I saw
her today and I said, “You’re right, it feels different.” I honestly didn’t think it would, but it
does. Without sounding like someone with regrets, because I do not regret what
came before, my marriage feels like a first, not an “again”. It feels like something of
and with intention. That is definitely a
first I am honored to be able to offer my wife. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-58806036538018749532015-03-29T08:56:00.003-07:002015-03-29T09:06:16.281-07:00Is Feeling Worthy the Final Challenge?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I won’t
sugar coat it. Rebuilding oneself after the breakdown of a long term
relationship is no small feat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Getting
through the initial breakup, divvy-up, and start up of a new life is just the
first part.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then comes the reinvention
of a new identity without someone else there to help define it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For years you’re a “we” and then overnight
you become a “me”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You stand emotionally
naked in front of a world you’ve only seen and been seen through the lens of couple hood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have learn to navigate
your way through all manner of things: dinners and movies alone, social
gatherings, even grocery shopping and cooking for one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I ate cereal
many nights and did it standing up at my sink for months because sitting down
at the table, let alone cooking, seemed silly and a waste of energy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, thanks to another girlfriend who got
divorced the year before me, I learned to sit at the bar in restaurants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Inevitably, there was always some other lone
diner there—often another woman or a friendly barkeep—and then it was easy to
discuss whatever that day’s current event happen to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That tip saved me from the “Are you waiting
for someone?” or even worse “Since you don’t need this table/chair…”
moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first year or so after my
divorce I was forced to relearn and re-engage in ways I had never
considered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent a lot of time
apologizing to my already-divorced friends for not being there for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They smiled knowingly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">When I was
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homework (because this friend is not only bossy and insistent, she’s usually right.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When more than a year went by and my now-girlfriend
entered my life, I was hemming and hawing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My bossy, wise friend presented me with my list.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My new love checked off nearly every
box.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so, with my own empirical evidence
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">That was
more than a year ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The box-checking
girlfriend is asleep next to me as I watch the sun rise and my fingers hover
over the keyboard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She reminded me what
a first date felt like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Along with a
first kiss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With a a sense of romance I
couldn’t dream up for a character if I tried, she wooed and courted me. She
patiently waited for me to be ready to open myself physically and emotionally
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I did so, she knew there
would be scars and bruises around my heart and my psyche.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She more than kissed them and made them
better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I told you, she checks ALL the
boxes!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I’m past
being defined by my divorce.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am now
simply a woman rebuilding a life in a new town with new friends and a new love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People define me by my personality, my kindness,
my humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not by the demise of something
or the linked persona of someone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In this new landscape of my own making, there is one last (she says
hopefully) challenge I didn’t see coming: feeling worthy of all the good I have
in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are so many small
moments that well up from deep within—like small gremlins hiding in the dark
waiting for a moment of light to emerge—where I feel unworthy of the good that
surrounds me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find myself actually
whispering, “How did I deserve this?” in the best and happiest moments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re fleeting thoughts, that leave
quickly, but their shadow lingers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
whisper resonates in the quiet moments. That negativity can be a dangerous
cancer if I allow it to grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now when I
feel that negativity rise up, I fight it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I hope for a day, soon, where I wake up just knowing innately,
rather than by rote, that I am worthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-25093169327682089322015-02-26T12:59:00.000-08:002015-02-26T12:59:01.256-08:00Letting Go of Myths<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
For some it’s as easy as...well...letting go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a concise decision followed by concise
action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not to say there are not
ramifications or consequences—but what’s done is done for some.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For others, like me, letting go is a
process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a “last woman standing”
kind of girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am forever, trying to
fix or salvage or amend a situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
phrase “pried from my cold dead hands” is probably pretty appropriate for
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently, a relationship I’d had for more than half my life
was dealt a final blow from which there will never be recovery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The usual agony at the end of something was
followed by an enlightenment I felt compelled to share.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My MO is to over analyze and over think
something until every syllable uttered, every word written has been
deconstructed, and I am sufficiently satisfied that whatever transpired was my
fault<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and that I must do better to
ensure it never happens again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However,
this ending was decidedly different and, although bitterly sad, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>one I hope to learn from.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the last nail was pounded on that
coffin lid, I felt horrible, confused, and heartbroken that it had come to
this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the familiar threads of self-doubt
and blame began to well up inside of me, two things happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First, I realized that this relationship needed to end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hadn’t been healthy for a really really
long time and that despite my best efforts, it wasn’t going to ever be healthy
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes things break and aren’t
fixable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes people lie and aren’t
sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we do the best we can
and it’s just not enough. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I was
able to see that, it didn’t take a huge leap to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>get to the second thing: I had written a mythology around her that I
became invested in over time—once I became a believer in the myth, I had to
protect it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So no matter how egregious the
wrong committed, the myth always provided a reason to forgive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was no light bulb moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a harsh, cockroaches-will-scurry-from-the-blinding-light-of-reality,
wake up call. This person hadn’t been a friend to me in a very long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This person hadn’t honored her word or
promises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had failed me more often
than I care to recall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of that
makes her a bad person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She did the best
with what she had, but I failed to see it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I realized that, I didn’t need to invest
in the mythology any longer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People
weren’t going to judge me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hadn’t
failed at being a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had only
failed myself by putting someone else—and the myth—ahead of my own well-being. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Letting go for me was an arduous and painful process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps because I invest so much of myself
into those I love, the letting go felt like losing pieces of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have learned through this most recent agonizing
excisement that sometimes letting go isn’t always a loss. Sometimes letting go
allows us to shed the myths and stand tall and unfettered in our own true
selves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-75987624969146229842015-01-01T08:39:00.002-08:002015-01-01T08:39:58.727-08:00Welcoming a New Year<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Some days the answers were profound, some days they were
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present.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I’m present I am more
joyful, more connected, more alive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
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Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-18559198042783145752014-11-09T06:04:00.000-08:002014-11-09T06:04:19.006-08:00Place Within Our Stories by Bev Prescott and Penelope Grey<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The first time Bev Prescott caught my attention as a writer
was through her amazing blog <a href="http://bevprescott.com/blog.html">http://bevprescott.com/blog.html</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taken with her forthright, thoughtful and
honest worldview, I immediately read and loved her first novel and wait
patiently for each new novel to emerge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the meantime, I eagerly anticipate her blog posts and I’ll confess I
stalk her a little on Facebook too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bev
loves Maine and New England, a place I’ve only dreamed of visiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like an invited guest to what I like
to call “her corner of the world”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bev’s
novels, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">My Soldier Too, Step Into the
Wind and Blowback, </i>are well-crafted, riveting tales that plant the reader
squarely in Bev’s beloved New England<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">. </i>You
smell, hear, feel and touch that world with every page.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bev recently asked me to join her in a
conversation about place and how it factors into our work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How exciting for me to be able to have this
conversation with a woman whose work I so admire!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Learn more about Bev Prescott by reading her
fabulous blog or visiting her website. And of course, if you haven’t read her
books, do so! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://bevprescott.com/home.html">http://bevprescott.com/home.html</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_1?rh=n%3A10173%2Ck%3Abev+prescott&keywords=bev+prescott&ie=UTF8&qid=1415540964&rnid=2941120011">http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_n_1?rh=n%3A10173%2Ck%3Abev+prescott&keywords=bev+prescott&ie=UTF8&qid=1415540964&rnid=2941120011</a>.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our chat is below.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our respective initials mark our questions and responses to each
other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>BP</u></b>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the things that I love about your
writing is the sense of place that you bring to your stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, in your novels “Infinity’s Song”
and “Caught and Kept,” Whidbey Island in Puget Sound felt like a distinct
character with its own part to play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did
you intend for it to take on such a prominent role?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, did your love of the island simply color
the story with its presence?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>PG</u></b>: That
was intentional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do, indeed, love
Whidbey the Puget Sound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are the
only places outside of Southern England that my heart feels at peace and I
wanted the reader to feel that. http://bevprescott.com/home.html</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For instance, in your “My Soldier Too” Boston was so
vivid.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could see the streets and the
neighborhoods which had defined Isabella’s world as much as the people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt as if in “Step Into the Wind” Alex was
shaped not just by circumstance and emotional history, but by the place she
grew up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maine, the town and the camp
drove part of your story line, but it also wrapped around the reader and
whispered in their ear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So same question
for you. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Intentional or just effusive
love? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are both women who found wild corners of the world but we
came from vastly different places. What was it about Maine that seduced you
away from your Midwestern roots?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How is
the culture and life in Maine different or the same?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you ever see going back?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>BP</u></b>:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was definitely intentional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The setting for those stories was as
deliberate and important as the drafting of the characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like your love of Whidbey, mine for New
England runs deep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that this “wild
corner of the world” is where I’m meant to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I think place also drives the culture of the people who live there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By having place take a prominent role in our
stories, I think we help shape our characters more fully as well. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I ended up in New England by chance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I joined the military after high school,
I was stationed at a base in upstate New York.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My pals and I used to spend a lot of time hiking in the Adirondacks and
taking the ferry over to Burlington, VT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I absolutely fell head over heels in love with the Northeast, New
England in particular.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s almost as if
all the cells in my body aligned with the rhythm of the place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also met my spouse in Burlington, VT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our first date was to climb Mt. Washington in
New Hampshire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s a New Englander
through and through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As for Maine, it’s
my favorite of all the New England states.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I love the independence of Mainers, the rocky shoreline, the food, the
North Woods, the rugged culture etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
could go on and on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The culture in Maine is very different from where I grew up
in the Midwest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would be tough to
explain fully in a short blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
ever see myself going back to the Midwest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In fact, I’ve said before that the only reason that I would no longer
live in New England is if New England ceased to exist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is my home, and I hope that circumstance
will always let that be the case.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I loved your questions and want to know your answers with
respect to Whidbey and the Pacific Northwest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Do you envision writing any stories in a different setting?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If so, how would you go about capturing the
essence of that place like you’ve done so beautifully with the Pacific
Northwest?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, please tell us more
about your connection to Southern England.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>PG</u></b>: Your
connection to New England and Maine are very similar to mine with the Pacific
Northwest and Whidbey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grew up in
Southern California with freeways, subdivisions, pavement and shopping malls.
The most “natural” memories I have are of the beach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I was a student in the U.K. I had
friends in Southern England I visited often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Between the rugged coastline of the north where I was in school and the
gentle moors of the south, Britain captured my heart immediately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had never seen so much green.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned to smell and sense the weather shifts
(something I do still) and see life in all things around me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s as if my feet had finally touched
earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Caught and Kept</i> Dani tells Kai about arriving to the island and
knowing instantly Whidbey was where she was meant to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That story is true and it’s mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Twelve years after leaving England I stepped
off a ferry boat and felt that connection again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was immediate, unexpected and profound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being on an island is unique and
special.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We joke that we have to be
especially nice because we all, literally, depend on one another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My new adventure to Portland is teaching me
that the Pacific Northwest lifestyle is alive and well off the island too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is one of nicest cities (in every way)
I’ve ever experienced.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to write about London and England but need to let my
recent trips settle inside of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bill
Bryson’s, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Notes From A Small Island </i>chronicled
his experience in England through a distinctly American lens.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would like to bring a bit of that to a few
of my stories but with more of the feminine voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Midwest is also in my background.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My dad was a farm boy from Southern Illinois
and I have a few fleeting memories of a couple of summers on my Aunt’s farm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I visited again recently and it touched me
deeply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is a rural cultural from
which we are becoming disconnected in this country and that is sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Place is more than setting to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like you, it shapes, informs and drives our
characters, as it has the both of us.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Having said all of this, my current work in progress
intentionally has very little sense of a specific place. I wanted and needed
this story to be all about the connections and journeys of this group of
women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been extremely challenging
to write from this perspective and root characters in only relationships and
emotion without engaging too much in the external world in which they
live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you ever imagine writing a
story that is “internal” and not dependent on place?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you think characters can become “place” in
lieu of environment? If so, how do you think you would approach or tell that
kind of tale? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>BP</u></b>: That’s
a tough question, and my hat is off to you for trying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not sure I could write a story that is
internal and not dependent on place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think of place like the roots of tree.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The roots ground the story and give it context.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That said, my next novel will take place in a
dystopian future that has been dramatically altered because of climate
change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, that place will be something
I’ll have to create from scratch based on the predictions by scientists of how
our planet will change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, the story
will still be grounded in “place” in that it will be about how things look now
versus in a very different future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
excited for the challenge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been
reading lots about climate change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Things like how it occurs naturally, how humans are changing the
equation and scientific predictions for the future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking a step back and thinking about my
writing, I suspect “place” will always be a character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Your next story sounds really interesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you mind giving us a few more
details?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a big fan of your writing
and look forward to your next book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
one of those readers who will read everything that you write.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u>PG</u></b>: I am
so looking forward to reading your next book and seeing how you create place
out of a dystopian future.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How fun to
create completely from imagination (and good research too)!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My next book is an ode to the unique world of
women.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From menses to childbirth, weight
gain and weight loss, our shapes and sizes, disease and trauma, our bodies are
the vessels that carry us through this life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No woman I know is untouched by her relationship with her body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With that as my “place”, along with a group
of women I hope everyone will enjoy, I am exploring new love, rekindling love,
and the unique love that female friendships bring to our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-59411095328252908082014-10-21T14:20:00.001-07:002014-10-21T14:20:25.211-07:00Life Is Different Now<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gFtcL7gZFHk/VEbN4cnaRmI/AAAAAAAAAJw/uAj-QNHAB_o/s1600/WinterSquash.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gFtcL7gZFHk/VEbN4cnaRmI/AAAAAAAAAJw/uAj-QNHAB_o/s1600/WinterSquash.JPG" height="228" width="320" /></a></div>
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Wow!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nearly a month
since I last blogged!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Phew…well, my
excuse is that it is autumn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Autumn is
the last nice-weather season before the long, dark, wet days of winter set in
here in the great Pacific Northwest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Don’t get me wrong, I adore the tradition of winter around here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We layer up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fleece replaces linen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Flannel
replaces cotton.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gortex replaces
canvas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pedicures become all about
moisturizing and less about fun-colored toes. (What can I say?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a femme kind of lesbian…) But autumn is
the last great season to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>be
outside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And on days like today when it’s
cool with scattered showers, my attention…no my very core of being…feels the
need to can, to preserve, to freeze, to prepare for the coming months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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When I go to the farmer’s market in the fall, my eyes scan
and search for the root vegetables and squashes that will feed me through the
winter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stuff down the panic that
tomotoes will only come from my frozen sauce or the jars I can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will be months before I hold the fresh
ripe fruit in my hands again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lettuce
will be replaced by kale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has been
my way of life for more than ten years— locally grown food and eating
seasonally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s innate in <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>me - this seasonal clock ticking away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In my world this time of year is a quarter to
the witching hour of winter.</div>
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With this ticking growing louder like something out of Edgar
Allen Poe, on my last visit to the farmer’s market I stuffed my bag full of
winter squash — acorn, butternut and spaghetti, to be exact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took control not to take every kind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re so beautiful and edibly alluring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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This morning I awoke intent on roasting these lovely vessels
of vitamins. It will take me the better part of the day to finish this project.
You see, I no longer have a country kitchen with a 36-inch double oven, 20
linear feet of counter tops, an extra freezer and a pantry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now live in an urban studio apartment that
is the size of the average hotel room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
possess 40 inches of working space. Nevertheless,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cut and cleaned my squash this
morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am taking turns roasting them
off, having stuffed them into the smallest oven known to humankind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I don’t eat tonight will be pureed and
frozen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My freezer is the size of a small
cooler so between the squash, frozen tomato sauce and blueberries, I’m asking
myself how important are the “just in case of emergency” ice packs in the
door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t need ice cubes until
summer.</div>
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I live in a city that is better than most about locally-sourced
and seasonal foods.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have connected
with several farmers and have identified sources so that I can sustain my
values around eating food from places and people I know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later today, when I serve spaghetti squash
and homemade tomato sauce for the first time to my girlfriend (who watches this
domestic explosion with varying levels of humor), I will be coming to terms
with the fact that my life is different now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And that’s okay.</div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-19480830745010895222014-09-27T07:35:00.003-07:002014-09-27T07:35:40.830-07:00More than<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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One of my dearest friends is at the wedding of her God son
today and it has me thinking a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
see, we say God son because that’s what the world understands, but this
relationship is more than that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I
say I’m an aunt people know what that means.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There is a place in their brains for that relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not a mother, I’m an aunt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friend isn’t a “real” mother, she’s “just”
the God mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This morning as I
anxiously check my phone for pictures and excitedly text her, it is because she
and I are part of another group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One
that is more private, less discussed and one that Hallmark doesn’t make a card
for yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are More Than.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We didn’t birth children and wouldn’t ever
want to take away the role their mothers claim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But we are more than our titles suggest to the children in our
lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are not just aunts or God
mothers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are “other” mothers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In both cases, mine and my friend’s, we
walked the floor with sick children, tended to cuts and scrapes, cooked
countless meals, did laundry and sat up late with homework assignments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have used up sick leave, financially and
emotionally supported them and expect phone calls and texts from them
regularily, all outside of a parental role.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>These kids were raised by a village and we were second in command.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When my nephew married two years ago, my
sister, brother in law and I stood together in the church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the church rose to watch the bride come
in, his mother and I instictively turned to him and were so overcome my brother
in law didn’t know which of us to give a tissue to first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know so many people think of us as “just”
aunties or God mothers, but we are “more than” that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I will be excitedly checking my phone all
day because in the words of my friend, her <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“baby is getting married today!” </div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-14020087606947954502014-09-06T15:49:00.000-07:002014-09-06T15:49:24.985-07:00Small Worlds<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I’m lying in bed debating on whether to take over the counter
pain relievers, my prescription pain relievers (always a last choice) or to
ride out my rapidly elevating discomfort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have a congenital muscular condition that, on bad days like today,
basically feels like every tendon and every muscle is being pulled as tightly
as possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No amount of stretching,
yoga or hot baths will help on days like today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s just, well, a bad day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Fortunately, since I’ve lost a significant amount of weight and I have committed to moving everyday these days are less prevalent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But when they happen it’s hard to not feel as
if I’ve taken a major step backwards.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
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this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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What I really fight against is the overwhelming feeling that
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saying is, “give up” “stop now” or “who do you think you are?”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s only been a few years that I’ve been
active and striving to be more so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
I got up off the couch and moved again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s only been a few years since I’ve done things like gone dancing or
out for long walks or traveled again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Some days I still do it but with a cane.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s been even less time that I have done all
of these things without fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was
a time long ago, when I looked out my office window (I used to work from home)
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easy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As my body grew weaker, my world
grew smaller.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And while now I live
differently, on days like today my mind returns to that small world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a struggle to keep my world bigger and
to remember I am here now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am stronger
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a struggle to allow myself to
be weak today, knowing it will allow to be strong again tomorrow.</div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-69069466603686712192014-08-12T07:38:00.002-07:002014-08-12T07:38:19.061-07:00Survival Skills<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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It’s been eight years since my mother died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While her loss weighs on my heart every day,
like millions of people who have suffered a loss, I move forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the looking backwards, I have come to see
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the surface of the water that was my grief, survey the landscape of the shore
that was my life, and slip silently back under.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As the months passed I spent fewer days submerged and more time
surveying the shore until, one day, I found myself on solid land once
more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That suspended time kept me from
losing my mind, of that, I have no doubt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the moments when the grief was too much
to hold or carry, that proverbial water could take the weight of it all for me.</div>
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These last few weeks I have had a feeling of Déjà vu and
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</span>That feeling of slipping silently under the surface had returned, making me wonder what was too heavy for me to carry?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I have had huge transitions, and I’ve
said goodbye to my home of fifteen years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But it wasn’t that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t feel
as if I have more than I can handle right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All of the changes have been known, planned for and expected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been letting go of my island life for
almost a year. It’s a lot and there are days I say to myself, “Really? What
next?” but I’ve had more stress or change without this feeling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what is it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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And then it came to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Slipping under the surface, getting into a quiet space deep inside isn’t
always about letting go of something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes it is about finding something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I emailed a dear friend about another issue, she said
these words: "The starting line for the road to you is right in front of you.
GO!"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I read those words I knew that
my mind and heart had, once again, created respite when my life
circumstances could not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now I know
slipping under the surface, as well as walking back to solid ground isn’t just
a grief response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a survival skill.</div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-18631825731116013102014-07-30T07:15:00.000-07:002014-07-30T07:24:47.224-07:00Brazen Marketing: Caught and Kept<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->I am an indie author.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That sounds so renegade and free spirited but
in reality it means one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not one
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t have staff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On second thought, I do beg Syd Parker to
clean up my book covers with her mad graphic skills and I plead with friends
who have more grammar skills than me to cull through my manuscripts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I might have, at least, volunteers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, the task of marketing a book is down
to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should be fired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s funny because in my day job I can discuss with clients
how to get themselves out into the world all day long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it comes to me, I post an announcement on
Facebook and then quietly step away hoping I haven’t disturbed anyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I wrote my first book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Infinity’s Song</i>, in 2012 it took me
almost seven months to publish it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
friend finally sent me a song with the lyric, “you’ve got a voice as loud as
lions so why let your voice be tamed?” and then said she was waiting to hold my
book in her hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With tactics like
that, what was a girl to do but publish her book?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the marketing is still where I fall
down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the place where being an
indie is a disadvantage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In an effort to rectify that, at least a little, I’m going
to blog about my latest book, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Caught and
Kept</i> available now on Amazon and through your independent bookstores.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I secretly hope you order through a
bookstore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What would the world be
without them? But, alas, our e-readers are so convenient.)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yvQyyX9NrB8/U9j9OZeFbcI/AAAAAAAAAJg/h5Xkow7ykjk/s1600/1402608513689.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yvQyyX9NrB8/U9j9OZeFbcI/AAAAAAAAAJg/h5Xkow7ykjk/s1600/1402608513689.jpg" height="320" width="214" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Caught and Kept </i>is
the second in the Siren’s Song Series. The book was written at a time when I
was experiencing much turmoil and loss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My twenty two year marriage had ended, but I also had a couple of friendships
that were in flux and one in particular for which I was grieving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t really know where solid ground was
in my life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I pondered the reality that
friendships have the ability to break your heart just as much as lovers, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Caught and Kept</i> was born. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My setting is personally important in this book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The majority of the book takes place on
Whidbey Island, Washington.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recently
left the island after fifteen years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
I wrote I felt my time there was coming to an end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted this book to reflect my love of
Whidbey and the magic it holds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve
often called it my own Avalon…an island set apart by the mists of Puget
Sound.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, the book is part of The
Siren Song Series and the Siren is both a place and a character for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Siren’s Song is an imaginary private club
located in Seattle just for lesbians.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
physically based the Siren on the downtown YMCA building (the irony wasn’t lost
on me, trust me).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A quiet, unassuming
and yet, pretty brick building you could walk by and never realize was there,
but for the sign.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The concept was
simple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I designed a space I wish
existed for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A beautiful, safe,
supportive and nurturing place for women to find community and be themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After the book came out that was the number
one Facebook message, “Please tell me it’s real!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My reply remains the same: I’ll build it if I
sell enough books.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got asked recently, “Are Kai and Dani real?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All my characters are real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
draw from my life and those around me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s important that when I write, the characters are people with their
own lives and stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My closest
friends will recognize pieces of themselves in all of my characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Recently, I was given a little plaque that
said, “Be careful or you’ll end up in my novel.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friends all know that’s true.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Reviews and feedback tell me readers find this book a quiet,
sweet romance with humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was pleased
to hear that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes love comes
quietly, either in romance or in friendships or in the case of Kai and Dani,
both.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope for those of you who have
already read <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Caught and Kept</i>, you
enjoyed it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you haven’t yet read it,
I’d be honored if you’d put in on your list. Please, do let me know what you
think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the true marketing spirit, I’m offering a giveaway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Find me on Facebook and private message me
your funniest or sweetest memory of a best friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first three that make me laugh out loud
or tear up will receive a signed copy of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Caught
and Kept or Infinity’s Song. </i>If you prefer email send them to <a href="mailto:penelope_grey@yahoo.com">penelope_grey@yahoo.com</a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">. </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-59232944769368593562014-07-03T20:41:00.000-07:002014-07-03T20:41:48.376-07:00Untethered<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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“You must be so excited.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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Those words were said to me more than once yesterday as I
ran around on my first day back from England.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I live on an island so, of course, people know almost as much about me
as I do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They certainly all know I’ve
been gone for six weeks; that my house sale is pending inspections and escrow; that
I have a new place in Portland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A few
know I am dating someone new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such a
simple conjecture—”you must be so excited”—but really what I feel is
untethered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a word that whispers
itself in the back of my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes
it feels ominously threatening and at other times it feels joyous.</div>
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As I came home from the airport the other night, it was one
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the stars twinkled just on the edge of the dusk—the island, the Sound, the sky,
and my soul all woven together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those
are the nights that make me want to get on my hands and knees and kiss the
earth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For I live in a place that makes
you earn them, let me tell you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the
ferry sailed closer and closer to the Clinton dock, I was filled with a deep
love and reverence for this place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Coming up the hill from the boat, I immediately wanted to stop
everything I had set into motion four months ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to text my real estate agent and
say, “Just kidding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not
selling.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to call all my
clients and say, “I’ll be back on Monday if you’ll take me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But then I heard the word untethered in the
back of my head…as if carried by the wind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The last few days have been full of those moments. Hang on or let
go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And each time that word lingers.</div>
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I came to the island seeking roots and grounding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the last fifteen years I’ve gotten that
aplenty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a community of people
who have held me up and carried me through so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they’ve allowed me the honor of returning
that favor. I literally learned to feel the earth—in my hands as I learned to
garden and grow food—and in my soul as learned I am merely a small creature on
this planet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Now, it feels as if those around me know it’s time for me to
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with: “you must be so excited” often these days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s as if everyone can see it’s time for me
to fly and they are gently letting go of the tie that binds me here by offering
me anticipation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As much as there is
possibility in that, there is deep fear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What if, like a balloon released from a grasping hand, I float so high
and far there is nothing to hold me anymore?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In the quietest of moments this morning, another thought came to
me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unless I am untethered, I will never
know if there is somewhere else in the world I am meant to land and grow new
roots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-18546529797652415992014-06-10T03:43:00.002-07:002014-06-10T03:44:00.618-07:00London Adventures Part Three: Re-Emergence (Originally written in March)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
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</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The number one question I get asked is, “What is it like to
be away for a month?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And by ‘away’, I
assume people mean not engaged with my regular day to day life— a connotation
of being exotic or mysterious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth
is, if I hadn’t gotten on that plane the day I left, the likelihood of me being
here today is minimal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t mean that
in as quite a dramatic sense as it sounds. I wasn’t terminally ill seeking a
miracle or on the verge of a nervous breakdown.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I was completely spent and depleted emotionally, mentally and
physically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In fact, upon arriving in
London I spent the first four days very ill, grateful for caring friends who
looked after me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So my answer to the question
most asked is, “It was fabulous.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, fabulous came as an evolution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<br />
The last year and a half has been tumultuous, yet
empowering. A divorce and the act of dividing a life shared for more than
twenty years, coupled with closing my business and leaping into an unknown
future away from my island community, left me exhausted on every level. This
trip was meant as a respite where time wasn’t dictated by others, but only by
my own desires.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t set an
alarm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I only looked at the time on my phone
on the days I had reservations or trains to catch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ate when I felt like it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went where I wanted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did nothing because I ‘was supposed to’. Day
after day, I felt the layers of stress I had carried, almost unknowingly, fall
away from me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My breathing became
deeper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My mind slowed, which those who
know me will tell you is rare.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sleep,
which had been elusive for years, came easily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I slept eight hours or more, something not usually done unless I am sick
or under prescribed medications.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My body,
which has the standard aches and pains of any middle-aged body that is not as
well tended as it should be, relaxed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t recall taking Advil once.
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Aside from the physical manifestations, something else began
to happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something more subtle, almost
imperceptible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It started at the pub one
night with new friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Someone said
something funny, and we all laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A
few days later, the moment repeated itself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I found that every day I laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Loudly, deeply and freely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a
chuckle or a smirk or a giggle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the
kind of laughter that brings tears, or makes your muscles ache.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Were my U.K. friends funnier than my American
friends?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not necessarily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Over the last several years, I had forgotten
to make time for laughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Strange how
something so small can become a luxury we sacrifice in the face of stress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the laughter came a lightness I had
forgotten about...of spirit and heart. One of my oldest friends from my school
days in the U.K. said in my third week that I was more like my old self,
someone he hadn’t seen in a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be
honest, I hadn’t even realized I had gone missing, but sometimes we don’t know that
we’ve slipped away until we emerge again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So my time ‘away’ was fabulous to be sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The real trick will be to hold its lessons
and bring them forward in my real life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Already I sleep less and do more ‘shoulds’ than ‘wants’, but the
laughter and my true self is something I don’t want to lose again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus far, holding strong!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<b>An Update (Written June 2014):</b>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve returned to London for another visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The life back home has drastically
changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My home for the last fifteen
years is for sale. I’ve packed and moved my bare essentials into a small studio
flat in Portland, Oregon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything
else that matters is contained in about twenty five boxes in a small 8x8x5
storage pod and my business is closed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
not sure what the future holds for me when I return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Right now, I am sipping a morning cup of tea and listening
the East End of London wake up to a sunny day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I returned, well, because I can.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I wanted to continue my explorations of London.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This period of “just me” time will
likely not come around again for many years in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I am embracing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I stood at Customs and the agent asked
about my return so soon after a month long stay, I smiled brightly and said,
“Why not?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have time off and I love
London.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smiled and said, “Enjoy
your trip.” And I am enjoying my trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Everything I wrote in March still holds true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find my true self each day I remember to
laugh and to ask myself what I need today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Re-emergence isn’t a one-time event.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It’s a process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-87947330380372903632014-06-03T08:03:00.001-07:002014-06-03T10:53:57.706-07:00Live from London! Writing Process Blog Tour<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was recently tagged by fellow author, friend and all-around
playmate, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Syd Parker</b>, in the Writing
Process Blog Tour. Syd has published nine fabulous novels (and has penned a
few more...at least partially...and keeps them hidden—just to torture me). While
she is grateful I do not live in Indiana as I would have broken into her house
close to midnight and jumped up and down on her bed the night nominations were
announced, I am proud of her GCLS nomination and have air horns ready should
her name be called.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please check out her
blog<a href="http://sydparker.blogspot.co.uk/2014/06/a-very-unusual-mind.html?m=1"> </a>and become a fan if you aren’t one already. (Hint: look to the right and follow the link...Musings and Random Thoughts)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What am I working on?</span></b><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Caught and Kept</i> is in the final formatting
phase and should be</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FPGh-CWK0Tw/U43ib4tFjoI/AAAAAAAAAJM/zU1m6ANE9BA/s1600/C&K+Cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FPGh-CWK0Tw/U43ib4tFjoI/AAAAAAAAAJM/zU1m6ANE9BA/s1600/C&K+Cover.jpg" height="200" width="140" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">out before the end of June. (I know, Syd!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your $5 is in the mail!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was running for a plane.) The second in the
Siren Song Series, it is the story of Kai and Dani, two friends who struggle
with the reality of falling in love while not wanting to jeopardize their deep
connection as friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Caught and Kept</i> tells not just Kai and
Dani’s story but catches readers up on Helen and Cassandra and Melly and Gigi
from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Infinity’s Song.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i>After the release of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Caught and Kept</i>, I will be working on the third (and possibly
final) book in the series which will be Melly’s tale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is also a book I’ve begun set in my new
hometown of Portland with a working title of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Any Way You Look at It </i>which explores opening ourselves up to love and
new life experiences.</span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<b><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How does my work differ from others in the same genre?</span></b><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> My
smartass answer is I</span></div>
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<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">take ten times as many words to say what needs to be said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I’m not sure it qualifies as
“different”, I’ll say that I want to write women and characters who grow as
people before I write a love story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
love story is merely a catalyst for their personal development, and I want to
write characters who have many stories to tell—even the ones beyond a happy
ending.</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Why do I write what I do?</span></b><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> I walked away from
writing in my twenties and didn’t begin again until <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>two years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I came back to reading lesbian fiction, I found I had something to
add to the conversation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
enthusiastically striding into middle age and I think lesbian fiction needs
more generational voices and perspectives. I love getting lost in a book but I
also want it to allow me to learn and be inspired and think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully my work will do that for someone. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
4. How does my writing process work?</span></b><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Hmmm….that’s
tough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <i> </i></span><i>Infinity’s Song </i>was written in
thirty days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Caught and Kept</i> was started on a flight in March of 2013 and
finished in December.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Editing and
rewrites have taken six months with a divorce, two moves, closing down a
business and traveling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having said
that, my process is simple: when I have a story to tell, I write.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As my life gets less chaotic (I can hear
several friends laughing loudly…!) and when my internal life gets less chaotic,
I will relish writing for a few hours each day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Infinity’s Song</i> was written
that way and I enjoyed that very much:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Getting
quiet, shutting out the world and stepping into the room with my characters to
see what they had to say that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
come to each story with an idea of each character’s issue, some story arcs
along the way I want to get them to and sometimes an ending, but from there I
let the characters tell me their stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I reread the pages from the day before sometimes I say to myself:
“I didn’t see that coming.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps this
is why my books take so long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want the
stories to be authentic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to
force my agenda.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Much like building
friendships, I find it best to be open and listen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People will always show you who they
are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Characters are no different.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So now I am tagging the newly-minted winner of the Lambda
Literary Awards, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Andrea Bramhall</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Check out her webpage for all of her
work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><a href="http://www.andreabramhall.co.uk/"><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">http://www.andreabramhall.co.uk/</span></a><span style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rumor has it I am not the only one to tag her
for this blog so hopefully she will come out from her state of disbelief and
play with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Andrea, you look lovely in
red, darling!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re all very proud of
you!!! </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-73962444460031757202014-04-23T08:23:00.002-07:002014-04-23T08:39:13.545-07:00London Adventures Part Two: Listening<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Waking up to sirens, cars and the general hustle and bustle
of a large city is something I hadn’t done in almost fifteen years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stayed in a Victorian house comprised of
eight rooms and shared kitchens, bath and laundry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Noise and activity were constant but not
irritating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was recalibration of
sorts, the re-acclimating to a busy life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I found myself lying in bed in the mornings, listening to the footsteps
on the stairs from above and below, writing the stories of their owners’ lives
in my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But after the footsteps
quieted and I procured a morning cup of tea, I would ready myself for the wide
world of London.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-abAOBmyBXFk/U1fZcixF_XI/AAAAAAAAAI0/O76DKhc8CEA/s1600/20140227_145032.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-abAOBmyBXFk/U1fZcixF_XI/AAAAAAAAAI0/O76DKhc8CEA/s1600/20140227_145032.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some days I had an agenda and other days I wandered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Literally, I would walk or get on a bus or
take the Tube until something looked interesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An alley way, a café, a shop, a park bench…I
never knew what would lure me but something always did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The buildings of London are my eye
candy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m an architecture junkie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The shape, the soul, the color, the material,
the detail, the story, it all makes my heart sing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cities around the world tell their histories
in their buildings and design.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From worn
cobbles to beautiful granite curbs to lampposts, every city will tell you a
story if you look closely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And London
has recreated itself a million times over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Her stories are never ending.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-B8WVcBW4E54/U1fYMTTf75I/AAAAAAAAAIk/zwhUL6Di2HE/s1600/IMG-20140306-WA0030.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-B8WVcBW4E54/U1fYMTTf75I/AAAAAAAAAIk/zwhUL6Di2HE/s1600/IMG-20140306-WA0030.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The noise of London is interesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In some areas you couldn’t have a
conversation on the street and in others you almost forget you’re in one of the
largest metropolitan areas in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I love that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ability to be
overwhelmed or tucked away all in the same place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the neighborhood I stayed in, the East
End, the pub, of course, was a place of congregation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unlike the small, warm country pubs I was
accustomed to when I lived in the U.K., my “local” was large and eclectic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In its past lives it had been both a theatre
and a church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A large glass wall let in
light and gave it a distinctive urban feel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But it was a local neighborhood pub, after all, and conversations were
never in short supply.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Being so near a
university the crowd was diverse both in age and in ethnicity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any manner of discussion could be had for
someone like me who asks a lot of questions or asks just enough to sit back and
enjoy the answers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like all good pubs,
my local was a living room, an office, a recreational retreat, a bar and for
many, myself included, a kitchen where a warm meal was always at the ready.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">To be sure, I met and talked with many new and interesting
people in my month away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some I will
call friends from now on, looking forward to our next chat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Others will forever be funny characters or
anecdotes I recall will humor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the
stories I recall most vividly now that I’m away are the ones who were told with
no real voice at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sights, the
sounds, the feelings, the whispers, the energy that makes London
magnificent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I re-learned the art of
listening in my time away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a skill
I hope to sharpen and retain in my journey ahead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-80950636786829492462014-03-22T09:48:00.003-07:002014-03-22T09:48:17.075-07:00
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">London Adventures Part One:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>First Loves Never Die<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Twenty eight days away from everything familiar and normal
in one of the most fabulous cities in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Twenty eight days to wake up and ask, “What
sounds good today?” or “Where do I feel like going today?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Close your eyes and imagine that for just a
moment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As an American, that concept is
nearly impossible to contemplate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
aren’t a nation of holiday seekers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
average American takes less than two weeks of non-consecutive holiday time a
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I, myself, had taken a grand total
of two ten-day vacations in fifteen years prior to this sojourn to London.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After fifteen years of owning my own business, I’ve been
working for six months to close it down and transition existing clients and
projects to other contractors in my field.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had lived a life of being on call <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>twenty four hours, seven days a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The buck always stopped with me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was the one always in charge of putting out
the fires and seeing things through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
last few clients were proving difficult to transition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew that in order to truly cut the cord
and step out of that life, a drastic move would be required.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would need to be unreachable and not just
for them but for me as well (yes, just a little co-dependency had developed
over the years).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So on February 18<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th,</span></sup>
I transferred my last client file to the replacement firm and changed the
voicemail on my office phone saying I was no longer in business. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next day I paid my bills, cleaned my
house, emptied my refrigerator, packed my bag, kissed my cat (who would be
looked after by her other mom, my ex) and boarded the overnight flight to
Heathrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Why London?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well... Hello?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s London!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I did pick London specifically. I have been a rural island girl for
the last fifteen years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since this year
is all about change, exploration and rediscovery for me, it seemed like it was
time to go back to my first great love. London was the first city I actually
fell in love with back in the days when I was a student in the U.K.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, sure, I grew up in Southern California
and hung out in Hollywood, but I had never loved it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With London, it was love at first sight
twenty five years ago and, except for landing in Heathrow and boarding a train
to other locations in the U.K., I hadn’t seen it properly since my days as a
student.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first days were fraught with a tummy bug but after that
passed, my friend and hostess began by reintroducing me to London’s amazing
Tube system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Much had changed in the
twenty five years since my last visit to London.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Out with coins and tickets and in with Oyster
Cards, but the system itself is just as efficient as I remembered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It took me several reminders to stand on the
right of escalators and pass on the left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The British are an orderly sort, which I appreciate very much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We wandered down to the British Museum and
down to Soho over to Trafalgar Square.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Square after square, corner after corner, the beauty of London never
gets old for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The majesty of the
architecture, the layers of history, the city whispers stories at every
turn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found myself just watching
Londoners thinking, “Do they see this?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Do they hear this?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Do they
know how precious this is?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ll admit that the size and scale of it all was
daunting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had forgotten how big London
is physically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>West Coast cities like
Portland and Seattle don’t compare to cities like London.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were as many people in the neighborhood
I stayed in than in all of Portland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
fairly positive that there were as many, if not more, people shopping in the
local Sainsbury than reside in my whole town of Langley!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sounds, the movement, the life, the
pulse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It all took a little getting used
to in the first days, but it all felt like reconnecting with my first
love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt a world was opening to me
and inside of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got the distinct
impression that my weeks ahead would be like nothing I’d experienced in a very
long time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was becoming apparent that
coming to London was a ‘coming home’ for me, in more ways than I could have
ever imagined.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FSYecqi_Js0/Uy29RiW3AzI/AAAAAAAAAGY/eVLjI9FOLPU/s1600/20140227_151624.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-FSYecqi_Js0/Uy29RiW3AzI/AAAAAAAAAGY/eVLjI9FOLPU/s1600/20140227_151624.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a>Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-31870903730380745792014-01-31T08:50:00.003-08:002014-01-31T08:50:32.378-08:00Sitting StillThere are moments in ones life that are forever etched into our souls. The good, the sad, the funny moments that make life, well, life, are like stepping stones in a river we spend our lives crossing. They mark our path so that when we look back, we see where we've been. I have many such moments indelibly marked on my heart but the one I'm thinking of today is the day I spent twenty four hours sitting vigil at my grandmothers bed as she drew her last breath. <br />
As I held the hand of the woman who helped raise me, reading to her, sharing stories with her, telling her it was okay to let go of the body that had finally given up after a whirlwind ride through this life, I was alone. Except for my friend who sat with me via technology. Without fail every fifteen or twenty minutes she'd send me a text. She asked me to tell her stories of my grandmother. She would tell me what the weather was like outside since I couldn't see the sky from where I sat. She would say silly things to make me smile or inappropriate things that we all think in these moments, but would never say aloud. This friend would quietly remind me that in that moment of agony, as I let go of the last woman in my family who made me who I am, I would never be alone.<br />
Sitting still is powerful. It provides and requires a strength found only in the strong of heart. Sitting still isn't about making someone feel better or fixing something or feeling useful. It is about being present, at the ready, standing witness.<br />
I am standing in the river of my life today, my eyes focused on that singular stepping stone, hoping I too, might be able to stand still for one that I love today, so that in the future, she'll see, she is never alone. Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-74341243021553092742013-12-01T23:44:00.003-08:002013-12-01T23:44:28.258-08:00Laugh Loudly Today
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tonight I received one of those phone calls no one ever
wants to get – news that a friend has passed suddenly and without warning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart is heavy for her family, for her
coworkers, friends and for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
just spoke last Sunday and my last memory will be of her laugh, her smile and
her radiance for life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was planning
on retiring on December 31<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> and was excited for what life had in
store for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I know my friend
lived a full and happy life, her untimely death reminds me to greet every moment
and every person with a full heart, an open mind and to live each day as if
it’s my last.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Leave no words unspoken.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today as you move through your day, take pause to love those
closest to you, forgive those who have wronged you, be kind to someone who you
might not usually talk with - and laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Laughter is the music of a happy heart and will play long after we’re
gone for those who miss us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-84346177911271648262013-10-19T16:22:00.003-07:002013-10-19T16:30:48.072-07:00Magic Is AfootI get asked all of the time about living on an island. It sounds glamorous and unique. It is unique without a doubt but it is far from glamorous. Whidbey Island is a pretty amazing corner of the world. We are the
longest contiguous island in the continental United States (regardless
of what Long Island thinks). Cows and chickens almost out number people here and many of our roads are gravel and not paved. Most of our roads aren't on any map and in the winter power outages can last for days. When friends visit I tell them that we roll slowly. Don't be in a
hurry because Island Time means something here. Be nice to everyone
because you'll need that person you flipped off last week for something
someday. We joke that when America (and yes, we really do call the mainland that) finally implodes, we'll only have each other, so we should play nice.<br />
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Our north end of the island is anchored by Air Naval Whidbey with the gorgeous Deception Pass Bridge connecting it to the beautiful Skagit Valley. It has big box store retailers and chain restaurants. This creates a bit of civilization within reach but not too terribly close. <br />
The middle of the island is the Island County government seat with Coupeville, Fort Casey and Ebey's Reserve, as featured in major Hollywood films like<i> Officer and A Gentleman</i> and <i>Practical Magic</i>. On my end...the Southend as it's known...we are an odd mix of rural, retired, artistic, working class, farmers and commuters. The Clinton/Mukilteo ferry links us to America. It's funk-a-fied for sure. We're liberal but support gun ownership, over educated and under paid but we don't care because it's worth it to live here. We all know what is going on in our neighbor's lives but try not to gossip and just let people live their lives. Local food is more than a buzz word, it's a a way of life. We welcome the whales with a parade each year as they pass the island in migration. My father (bless his right wing heart) said of Langley "Well, there's just a bunch of damn hippies here" and he's not wrong. It's one of the many reasons I love it so. We try hard to live our principles and allow everyone to do the same. It's not easy but we do, actually, try.<br />
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We call summer the glorious season here. From late June (hopefully) to late September we are rewarded for our long, dark, cold, wet winters and springs. Townies summer and weekend here. Our roads are busier, restaurants and shops make a large percentage of their annual incomes during summer. We are, for a few months a year, a tourist destination. When school bells begin to ring, the townies and tourists leave and my favorite season begins. Autumn. We get cool mornings and evenings with a hint of fog. Days are mostly dry but we get light showers occasionally reminding us to savor the moments before winter storms begin. We harvest our crops, begin processing our food for jars and freezers. Salmon and crabbing seasons come to an end and we till our fields under planting cover crops so it can begin again. I literally do not know a single person who doesn't do at least one of those things this time of year. As I said, our connection to the land and food is way of life here. For a girl who grew up in the suburbs of Southern California and spent a lifetime seeing pavement, this place is magical.<br />
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I hope in my writing people can see a little glimpse of my world. For those of you so inclined you will make a sojourn to this way once in your life to see how we do things island style. Or perhaps you'll look around your own corners of the world and see the magic all around you in this spectacular season known as Fall.Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-78248055476303234512013-10-08T17:42:00.003-07:002013-10-08T17:44:39.824-07:00I'm Just Fine, Thanks for AskingMy 22 year marriage effectively ended earlier this year and I have to tell you the questions I get asked are rather interesting. People feel that even though I have always been fairly private about my marriage it’s perfectly fine to ask insanely personal questions. Hopefully some of what I share here will both help others who are going through this too and answer a few of the more blatant none of your business questions. If it doesn’t, well, too bad. It’s still none of your business.
While the paperwork for dissolution is still pending at the state, all that technically remains is the crossed t and dotted i. I am so incredibly fortunate to be divorcing a woman who is essentially my best friend. We came to this decision out of great love and respect for one another and not out of anger or a sense of betrayal. This dissecting of a shared life is exhausting and painful and powerful and poignant. How do people who hate each other do this? How do they do this and come out the other side healthy? It boggles my mind to consider what it must be like to not do this in a way that is respectful and caring towards the person with whom I grew up, built a life and pledged to love and honor. I still love and honor her. I’ll just do it as her friend and not her wife. (Hopefully this answers the ever favorite I-can’t-believe-you-had-the-bad-manners-to-ask-this: “Did someone cheat/Was there someone else?” or the really?-what-makes-you-think-I’m-having-this-conversation-with-you-when-we’re-not-that-close: “Are you angry?” “Is she angry?” “How are you?”)<br />
This journey of finding myself single at 43 (do the math, I was 20 when we got together) is scary, empowering, overwhelming and exciting all at the same time. The process of closing down my current business after being self employed for 11 years and to pursue new things is a bit surreal. The prospect of potentially moving off the rock or even commuting off the rock again is also scary and exciting. I have discovered things about myself I never knew before like I actually only like to cook for a crowd. If it’s just me I’d rather just keep it simple. I actually like a really tidy house and fresh flowers. I don’t watch a lot of television but prefer music instead. I like a cooler room. I don’t need ice cream in my freezer, in fact, I forget it’s there. (I think I just heard my friend in Indiana faint.) But I love salted caramels. When you’re married and more to the point when you grow up together, knowing these little things isn’t always easy. You compromise in so many small ways that you lose a little autonomy. But the point of all of this is, I like getting to know myself. This journey of self discovery is important and necessary. I find that I’m not bad company. (Hopefully this answers the second most asked question: “Are you seeing anyone yet?”)<br />
When divorce happens “later in life” the changes required aren’t easy. Decisions and choices get made. The lifestyle of a two income household cannot be sustained but with that comes a myriad of opportunities. Perhaps a mortgage isn’t desirable. Maybe a large garden that requires hours and hours of maintenance a year isn’t how I want to spend my free time any longer. Would a condo in the city be more suitable? Should I buy another place or rent? Do I really like my furniture or is it time for something new? What is my favorite color now that I get to select it all on my own? Do I still like shabby chic or is urban eclectic more my style? Some of these questions are still pending but the fact that I get to ask them is exciting and opens my world up to all sorts of possibilities. (So for all of you who think it’s appropriate to ask, “Did you come out alright financially?” I will only say with a polite smile, I’m fine, thank you.)
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-26360659793875001082013-09-09T21:23:00.000-07:002013-09-11T21:24:35.678-07:00When Worlds CollideThe last few days I’ve had the pleasure of hosting two friends from out of state in the waning days of a fabulous Pacific Northwest summer. These friends are a delight. We laugh and chatter and share. There never seems to be a shortage of things to talk about. It’s as if we’ve known each other for years and in reality we only recently met less than a year ago...online. We were discussing how randomly we ended up connecting in the big world of social media. What if we had skipped checking the news feed at that exact moment or hadn’t ‘friended’ the mutual person that connected us all? These women have gone from ‘online friends’ to real life friends in the course of months. What intrigues me more than the successful transitions from social media relationships are the relationships that will forever only be virtual. Why is it that some relationships can move beyond the pages of social media and email while others will remain forever intangible? In some ways, relationships on the page can be more intense and emotional than the living breathing ones you can touch and feel. Why is that, I wonder? I’ve contemplated this question for weeks now. The forever virtual friendships allow us to be whoever we wish be it authentic or fantasy. Whereas the face to face relationships contain a level of accountability not necessary in virtual interactions. Does one have more or less value in our lives? Is quantifying even necessary? Sometimes it begs the question: is it a real friendship or one of nebulous fiction?
Obviously every connection is unique and should be treated as such but these questions rattle around in my head from time to time and I wonder if I’m alone in the contemplation. For today, I’m going to wander out to my living room, curl up on a sofa and sip tea with my friends and enjoy a day of laughter, a few hugs and appreciate that in this big wide world the “like” button has led me to two amazing people.
Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-73436410977060298942013-08-30T17:07:00.003-07:002013-08-30T17:09:50.464-07:00Wordy FriendsI don't think it will shock anyone that I'm a bit of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/syd.parker?fref=ts">Syd Parker</a> fan. I mentioned her book in my first novel, I have her blog linked here, I stalk...errr...I mean <i>follow</i> her on Facebook. What can I say? I dig her work...a lot. She's one of the writers who inspired me (cajoled might be more accurate but why quibble?) to get off my ass and publish my book. The chick is the real deal. She writes a book you don't want to put down and that you'll likely read more than once. Since this is my blog and I have all of...ohhh...ten readers....I get to plug her new books when they come out. I'm a few days late but I thought I'd actually show some decorum and let her bask in the glow of her first few days of a release...for a change.<br />
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I've read this book (more than once). I will tell you what I told her: it's her best work to date. She gets stronger and better with every book. I recommend it (or any of her works) even more than my own. As I said, she's the real deal. It's worth the price of a large venti froo froo coffee to buy this book NOW. Right now...click here...seriously: <br />
<a href="http://www.sydparkerbooks.com/Books.html">http://www.sydparkerbooks.com/Books.html</a><br />
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Did you click the link yet? Hurry! <br />
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<br />Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-80809032547746131782013-08-29T08:34:00.000-07:002013-09-06T08:35:47.553-07:00HonoringWanting what cannot be is a yearning that never really leaves; it just gets quieter with time. This week I’ve spent so much time contemplating the want inside of me for things that cannot be or will never be again. Grieving loved ones, missing those who are no longer here to touch, to hold, to hear is all a part of life. This week I grapple with how to honor it and move through it all at the same time. The last year has been filled with nonstop change; some good and some not so good. I’m a firm believer in learning from the joys and travails of this life but in weeks like this one I wish I had fewer lessons.<br />
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Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5960892711908527370.post-90761018118417493822013-08-27T13:05:00.004-07:002013-09-06T08:33:53.902-07:00Infinity's Song - A Journey to Sing Out Loud<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OHhgi3hNH-c/Uh0G6h82pEI/AAAAAAAAADw/mlIOwrjUbAk/s1600/IS+Final+Cover+only.do.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OHhgi3hNH-c/Uh0G6h82pEI/AAAAAAAAADw/mlIOwrjUbAk/s200/IS+Final+Cover+only.do.jpg" /></a>I wrote my first novel Infinity’s Song in 32 days from start to finish. It was a purging of sorts because in reality that book was written over 25 years in my head and in my heart. Close friends have told me they can’t read it because “it’s too close”. I smile and say that I understand. And I really do understand. But Infinity’s Song wasn’t written about my marriage or my life. It was written because I felt strongly that in lesbian fiction myself and other women like me are missing. Women who have been in committed long term relationships, who have no need to stray or look elsewhere are underrepresented (as are women of color, working class women, older women and several other groups). For years I read love stories and put down the book at the end and thought, “What happens in twenty years?” That was the place that I began when I sat down on May 1st 2012 and began telling the story of Cass and Helen. If it holds pieces of my life that look familiar to friends all I can say is, “I understand.” I write what I know.<br />
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However, Infinity’s Song is so much more than a first novel. It represents a coming to a place inside of me where I finally trusted my voice. Something happened when I turned 40. I woke up and decided to live life the way I wanted and wasn’t going to worry about what others thought. It would be disingenuous of me to pretend I did it alone. My soon to be ex-wife was and is my biggest supporter. My closest friends cheered me on and occasionally picked me up, dusted me off and told me to get back out there. Once when I suggested perhaps that I could just be happy I completed the book without actually publishing it one friend in particular used the single best tactic only a true friend would use: guilt. She pointed out how incredibly sad it would be that she would never have the opportunity to hold my book in her hands. We lovingly say she shoved me out my closet (and locked the door so I couldn’t get back in). Guilt and coercion aside, writing Infinity’s Song was my coming out, stepping up, being brave and looking at this big world and offering my voice to the larger conversation.<br />
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My journey to sing out loud (lyrics from a song given to me by a dear friend) took 42 years. Now that I've learned I don't plan on stopping any time soon. Penelope Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02923328455315862093noreply@blogger.com2