Infinity's Song - A Journey to Sing Out Loud

I wrote my first novel Infinity’s Song in 32 days from start to finish. It was a purging of sorts because in reality that book was written over 25 years in my head and in my heart. Close friends have told me they can’t read it because “it’s too close”. I smile and say that I understand. And I really do understand. But Infinity’s Song wasn’t written about my marriage or my life. It was written because I felt strongly that in lesbian fiction myself and other women like me are missing. Women who have been in committed long term relationships, who have no need to stray or look elsewhere are underrepresented (as are women of color, working class women, older women and several other groups). For years I read love stories and put down the book at the end and thought, “What happens in twenty years?” That was the place that I began when I sat down on May 1st 2012 and began telling the story of Cass and Helen. If it holds pieces of my life that look familiar to friends all I can say is, “I understand.” I write what I know.

However, Infinity’s Song is so much more than a first novel. It represents a coming to a place inside of me where I finally trusted my voice. Something happened when I turned 40. I woke up and decided to live life the way I wanted and wasn’t going to worry about what others thought. It would be disingenuous of me to pretend I did it alone. My soon to be ex-wife was and is my biggest supporter. My closest friends cheered me on and occasionally picked me up, dusted me off and told me to get back out there. Once when I suggested perhaps that I could just be happy I completed the book without actually publishing it one friend in particular used the single best tactic only a true friend would use: guilt. She pointed out how incredibly sad it would be that she would never have the opportunity to hold my book in her hands. We lovingly say she shoved me out my closet (and locked the door so I couldn’t get back in). Guilt and coercion aside, writing Infinity’s Song was my coming out, stepping up, being brave and looking at this big world and offering my voice to the larger conversation.

My journey to sing out loud (lyrics from a song given to me by a dear friend) took 42 years. Now that I've learned I don't plan on stopping any time soon.