Monday, August 24, 2015

How's Married Life?

The last three months have been, let us say, busy.  I had a small wedding, welcomed a new great niece, traveled back and forth between Arizona and California in separate trips and coordinated a fundraising event for 150 people on Whidbey…which is 160 miles from where I currently reside...all while rebuilding my professional practice.  So, please, forgive my absence.
I’ve spent a lot of time here on this blog and on social media sharing my world as a woman who was thrust into single life on the cusp of middle age. Without a doubt, the last three years have been far and away the most eventful since my wild teenage life, that’s for sure.  And fortunately for me, life doesn’t look to be settling down any time soon. I am happily embracing the unknown that each day brings me.
“How is married life?” is the number one question I get from people and I answer, “It’s great.”  I mean, what’s not to love?  I wake up every day with a woman who looks at me me and smiles at my mere presence in the world.  I don’t have carry all the groceries up the stairs by myself.  Dinner sometimes gets made for me, instead of by me and I haven’t done laundry in months. (I’m spoiled, what can I say?) After dating on two different continents,  the mundane, day to day moments with my wife are special and I try not to ever take them for granted.  Taking things for granted won’t sustain a relationship, it will kill it.  I’m no fool.  I learned a few things the first time around.
I knew going into this that my biggest challenge would be to maintain my new found sense of self inside of a relationship.  I’m a giver, a pleaser, a “make it better” kind of girl.  It took a year of single life just to figure out what I really preferred, all for me.  So when my wife and I began sharing space, it was a dance of sorts, and the steps were primarily mine to learn.  I discovered it’s perfectly alright to disagree.  It’s perfectly alright to ask for help or time or space. It's okay for my wife to do that same and here’s the big one…it’s okay to do things alone or separately.  I go out with friends without my wife.  We aren’t always “a unit”. She’s still my favorite person to spend time with, but I am experiencing autonomy within my marriage and that’s liberating and ultimately, I think healthier for us as a couple. 
The best thing about falling in love with a strong, independent person is that she came to the table not needing me, but wanting me. My wife said once, “I don’t want to be someone’s other half because that means they weren’t whole to begin with.”   We are two self sufficient people who, when together, are that much better together.  It took more than half my life to grasp that concept, but wow, am I glad I did.  So, yeah, married life is great, and if I can keep my head in the game, getting better every day.  

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